What’s on Your Plate? How to Set Boundaries & Eliminate Your Endless To-Do List
{By: Gina Messina}
What is on your plate? Is your plate small, organized, and calculates perfectly on my fitness pal? Is it overflowing and messy with lots of different metaphorical foods? Are they healthy and nourishing or junky and inflammatory? Or is it somewhere in between?
Why are these items on your plate and how did they get there? What have you added, pushed to the side, or eliminated? Have you said no to an extra helping realizing you couldn’t take one more bite? Or did you load it on adding weight to the heaviness you already feel?
We often struggle with recognizing ourselves as being enough, and so, in order to create a sense of value, we pile our plates high. The thing is, we all have value; however, we are so busy criticizing ourselves that we generally don’t notice.
As Jayne Hardy explains, “We’re all brimming with value, even when we can’t see it. The amalgamation of our experiences, skill sets, expertise, energy, insights and perspectives has a unique value that only we can offer — there’s nobody quite like us, quirks and all.”
We need to be more self-aware so that we can respond to facts rather than reacting to negative feelings. We are good at telling ourselves stories that don’t match the evidence. When we are feeling down, burned out, or overwhelmed we craft damaging narratives about our self-worth. However, if we can choose to acknowledge all that we bring to the table, we can develop a clear picture of ourselves as more than enough, and as a result, won’t feel the need to pile our plates.
Take time to write down your accomplishments, what you can do that others can’t, and know that you are the expert on you. That means that you know yourself better than anyone, and if you don’t value yourself, no one else will either. It all starts with you.
Next, think about what you say yes to and why. Is it because you enjoy it, out of a sense of obligation, or the need to feel value? What do you say no to and why? How do you want to use your time and energy and how does it align with your own values and purpose? Recognizing why you choose what you do helps to create a better understanding of how different activities make you feel and opportunities to shift your patterns.
Setting boundaries is important because they help protect our time, our energy and our purpose. Give yourself permission to say no; to eliminate the junk from your plate and set healthy boundaries that will allow you to feel fulfilled.
Moving forward, can we consider how we exercise choice in our personal and professional lives? Or perhaps more importantly, can we recognize that we have the ability to choose? Choice is a superpower we each have, so how might you exercise it to keep your plate healthy and honor your value?Gina Messina, Ph.D., M.B.A. is Associate Professor and Executive Director of the Institute for Women, Wellness & Work at Ursuline College. She is also an award winning author and certified leadership coach for women. Connect with her on her website, LinkedIn, and Instagram.
