Questions NOT to Ask This Holiday Season (or Ever!)

{By Michelle Valiukenas}

Are you pregnant?  When are you going to have a baby?  You’re not getting any younger, you know?  Isn’t it about time for you to have a baby?

Anyone who has not gotten pregnant when others believe you should be, whether by choice or circumstance, has heard at least one of these questions or some variation of it.  As an infertility and loss survivor myself, it was constant comments and questions that started almost immediately after we said “I do.”  

Recently, when Jennifer Aniston came out saying she had tried to go through IVF while simultaneously the tabloids splashed headlines speculating on her pregnancy, I immediately thought of how terrible she must have felt.  IVF is no joke, there are tons of doctors appointments, shots to take (and no, not the fun ones of my 20s), all without any guarantees, and with hormones that mess with your emotions.  I can remember not being able to stop crying or feeling like I was jumping out of my own skin or being so bloated that I could not fit into any of my clothes.  This all happens at the same time as the “infertility curse” makes it seem as if everyone in the world is pregnant or has a baby so that you feel even worse, like everyone else can get pregnant and you cannot.  It was an exhausting, stressful time.

But, when someone like Jennifer Aniston who has had her body looked at every which angle possible to analyze if pregnancy really is on the horizon or not, I just cannot even imagine.  While I could have talked to friends and family and explain how much the comments are hurtful, it’s not like she could have called up US Weekly or any publication to tell them to stop because it was hurtful.  Not being able to escape the speculation is unimaginable to me.

As the holidays approach and friends and family gather, let us take a lesson and not ask the questions that can be hurtful to someone unable to conceive or someone not ready yet.  That would be a gift to remember!

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