Tips for Saying “No” and Asserting Your Boundaries in 2022
{ By Miranda Martin }
Boundary setting is something many of us talk about but may find harder to practice in our own, day-to-day lives. If you’re having trouble asserting your boundaries and taking control of your own life, try these tips in 2022 to make this your best, most peaceful year yet.
Boundary setting tips: the green, yellow, red method and more
If you’re looking to set boundaries and enforce them more effectively in 2022, try these tips.
The green, yellow, and red method: what is it?
“Green” boundary communication.
When you set a boundary that you’d like to communicate gently to someone (perhaps it’s your first time communicating it, or they’ve honored your boundaries in the past so you don’t need to be as stern with them), you may use the “green” method. Let’s say you’re doing a Dry January and your friend has invited you out for drinks. An example of a green boundary would be responding with something like, “Hi! I’m actually not drinking right now; however, I’d love to go get a cup of coffee or a meal with you and catch up!” Your friend will likely understand and adjust the plan, and your boundary remains intact. It’s that simple to communicate in the calm, “green” territory.
“Yellow” boundary communication.
When your boundary has perhaps been violated once, or someone keeps pressing the issue, you may feel the need to reassert your boundary. This moves into the “yellow” boundary communication territory. This time, you may need to be sterner, and say something like, “You’ve invited me out for drinks a couple of times now, though you know I’m doing a Dry January. I’d appreciate it if we could do something else, and not press the issue again.” This is sterner, with a willingness to still engage in alternate activities with the other party, while protecting your boundary more seriously.
“Red” boundary communication: the “this is final”.
When your boundary has been disrespected over and over again (and you see no other way to protect your boundary and make your space safe), you may need to move into the “red” boundary communication territory. These boundaries are “once and for all”, final. An example of “red” boundary communication might look like this: “You know I’m not drinking right now, yet you continue to disrespect my boundaries. Please don’t invite me out to drink with you anymore.”
Letting others know about your boundaries early, and reinforcing them often.
If you aren’t in a place where you feel comfortable practicing “green, yellow, red” boundaries yet, I suggest just taking baby steps and begin by simply vocalizing your boundaries early and often. Make your boundaries known and speak them– say them out loud, and say them often. Remind others what you need and why, and the more you say it out loud, the more comfortable you will feel sitting with your boundaries and letting them be known in the end.
So, what boundaries do you need to set in 2022? Set them early, repeat them often, and use these tips for when things get a little hairy in the meantime.
